Found Diary - Tenth Entry (9/7/1994)

Life is filled with challenges, trials, joy, excitement, sorrow & fulfillment. I'm not certain as to how one can experience each of these, supposedly, independent emotions at the same moment. I feel pain & anger. I attempt to call my daughters and find that the phone to which I used has been blocked by the other parent & thus, I can only get a recording. I've been ordered to wear boy clothes while I'm with you girls or I'll be held in contempt of court. I'm so confused because I truly wish to be with you & yet I feel as if I'm in prison while wearing clothes of the opposite sex. I spoke to a group of friends recently & expressed to them my fears of looking grey in a binary polarized world. I believe I'm gaining a better understanding of Christianity.... the beatitudes are starting to make sense, as well as certain parables spoken by Christ. Continue to be open & you will gain knowledge. I believe I can no longer write to you as your father. I now believe I'm a mother and, accordingly want to care for you compassionately.