Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Found Diary - Ninth Entry (6/4/1994)

Girls, it's been awhile since I last wrote. Several events transpired since my last entry & I got caught up in feelings of self sorrow & pity. One should be extremely careful when coping with issues others cannot even begin to comprehend. 

My birth certificate has been legally changed to disclose my gender as female instead of a male. I also made the necessary changes in my drivers license, college transcripts & CPA certificate. I have been placed on higher doses of estrogen & have been cross-living as a woman since May 1, 1994. I truly have been transforming into L.P.R. 

The most difficult task to date has been my being absent from you. I've already realized that R. is experiencing great difficulty in accepting my transformation. I've not seen her for approximately a month and one half. W. and P. have remained consistently loyal & accepting of me. I'm not quite certain if this is due to your young age or if you are simply so much in love with me that you have chosen to ignore my change in outward appearance. Regardless, it is something we are learning about together. 

As stated earlier, I look more female than male. The court has oprdered me, temporarily, not to wear makeup, jewelry, feminine footwear, etc. in your precense. The greatest delimnia this poses is people don't now what I am when I'm in public with you. 

We get many stares while out [unreadable] you call me Dad. People [unreadable] you kids are confused. [Unreadable] most dysfunctional family in Sherman, TX. This does not disturb me and apparently it has not disturbed you. Your mother has asked you on several weekends when you were to be with me if you would like to go with her to OKC, Whichita KS, etc. Consistently you have refused & chose to stay with me, I cannot tell you how wonderful this makes me feel. My attorney has helped me deal with most of my fears. I do believe this mascrade (sp?) will come to an end & we will be L. with her children. Maybe even R. will come around. 

Now for the good news. I was once confused not about my gender as much as I thought, but instead my desires to suceed. There is absolutely nothing wrong w/ desiring wealth. Just do not let it consume your every tohught. If anything preoccupys your every thought, wish or desire then you probably need help. My being a TS consumed my every moment since I can remember. Now that I have chosen to cross-live my thoughts are no longer consumed w/ seeking sexual congruence. I can now live & function as a woman. I'm trying very hard to take on all the ways of women. This too has been difficult, but I've learned to be patient. Make my mistakes & accept the fact that they will be made.

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